Ka-ching!
"You owe me certain things and needs before I dole out my love," sayeth most humans due to trauma. 
"You have to prove to me that you love me before I can be vulnerable."
"I can't open up again because I've been used, hurt badly, and have been taken advantaged of."
"SO, you who just entered my life has to PAY." 
Ka-ching!
​Damn.

And thus, the current theme of most relationships on our Earth.

How did we get here? How is it that the first response in most connections come from this?
It's understandable. We've all been in this position, OR, we have given this position to others.

Hurt people HURT people.

Loving unconditionally is a big vulnerable end goal that, when we arrive, clouds disperse, the mind is freed, the body is open, boundaries are solid, and friends, family, lovers, soulmates and partners vibe high. 

How do we get there?

You HAVE to face yourself and how you FEEL around others.
Imagine DATING YOU.
Are you kind and comfortable to be around? Do you trust your partner? Do you feel free enough to be vulnerable? To fully give love? To fully receive love? To be flexible when things happen? To TRUST?

If any of these questions stirred you up, then ANSWER honestly.
You are responsible for half of the relationship you are in. 
Can you handle that responsibility? or are you wanting your partner to do all the work?
That's too big a cover charge for them to pay.

We are in a New World. The old habits you have in relating to people are gone.
That's why they aren't working anymore. 
You can see that, if you want to admit it or not.
We can't continue to distract ourselves via busyness, social media, events, work, or anything any more.

If you want to have unconditional love in your life, you have to give it too.
It's a simple as that, but getting there is not that simple.

Depending on how long you have avoided yourself truly, it could take some time.
BUT, not as long as you think.
Think about how long it takes to blow up a ballon with your own breath.
Now think about how long it takes to release the air from the very same balloon.
Wow! That was FAST!

You blowing up the balloon is all the times you kept repressing the hurt, pain, and packing on more.
The release is when you are done with it.

Admitting it is half the battle, yes?
The other half is recovery mode. You tend to your now exposed wounds with therapy, self care, vacations, time off, a nice dinner, whatever you need!
Over time, the habit of loving yourself becomes UNCONDITIONAL. 
and thus, you attract that kind of love.

But you can't attract what you aren't.
Like attracts like.
SO, who are you surrounding yourself with? Is it REAL?
If so, YES!! Keep it up!
If not, move on. 
It's time.
it can be as slow as a snail or fast as a bunny, but move on.
You aren't doing yourself or the other person or people any favors by keeping yourselves down.

The world needs ALL OF YOU at your best.
So why don't you want YOU at your best?
Rise and shine, beautiful.
RISE and SHINE.

Helloooooo!!
I have been in the chrysalis honing my skills and going through a ridiculous amount of transformation in the past 2 years.
I have shed old skin wrapped in fear, defense, and fury. I have stood my ground even stronger and have strengthened my power. I have studied, listened, spoke, and sung. I have reunited with family after the isolation of the pandemic and have let go of those who played small.
I am true to myself now as I have always been, but even more so.
It's time to perform again, to speak in public again, to share again.
I just played my first solo gig in Utah in February since late 2019, and my first INDOOR gig with my band, Lois and the Lantern LAST NIGHT, at the Lyric since March 4th, 2020!
It's good to see you all and share what we have been working on.
And now, I will be sharing what I have been working on since I last posted.
It will be up soon and I can't wait to have your take a listen.
Some are new songs, some are old songs revived, and some are songs I wrote long ago that have had an upgrade.
I will also be posting more on life on our Earth as well here, in Saja Speaks.
Welcome back, everyone. 
It's good to see you.
Mwah,
Saja

Hi Homies!
     It's been a minute since I have written as I have been using my other platforms for social justice and awareness on the daily.
SO MUCH has been happening EVERY DAY since the beginning of the year as well as late last year, that I've been sharing insights on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
I'm not one to delete my page because someone disagrees with me or I'm seeing too much of this or that. A lot of people have, which is your choice, but it's very clear that this is the first time for many in America, particularly White America, to be uncomfortable far more than they are used to.

Imagine being White in America right now...

I couldn't even begin to know what processes they are going through; many just now learning of the 400 years of injustice in our country. That everyday, People of Color are treated unfairly by their race at work, stores, banks, schools, on the street jogging, in their apartments sleeping, walking down the street in a hoodie from the store, coming home from getting tea at the store and having a ski mask on because you are cold, only to die from all of that.
All because of the color of our skin.

I couldn't imagine what it's like for White America to realize, fully realize that no matter what your political affiliation, worldview, or whatever, they get to walk out of the house with a natural VIP card.
I've been enlightening some of my White friends on this. Until they saw what happened on January 6th at the Capitol, they really didn't see how great they have it, no matter what class they are in.
They are VIP because of their skin.

An example and question for my White readers.
You are going out to a gathering (pre-pandemic) one evening. It's a pot luck.
How do you get ready for it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you most likely, make a potluck dish, get ready and go to the dinner, yes?
Awesome.
If you are Black or another person of color, if goes a little something like this...
"Okay, there's going to be a mixed crowd there tonight, mostly White (in my town) and I won't know everyone. I need to dress nicely and make something that is tasty and White people friendly. Tacos? Truffle Fries? No, Saja, just make something good, girl, you know you can cook!"
"Ugh, I HATE walking into these things and ALWAYS being one of the only Black people here. The guys mostly talk AT me and the girls are mostly scared. More often than not, I have to be the first person to talk to them. God, I should just stay home. I'm so sick of this shit."
"Why the hell did I move here?!?"
And down the rabbit hole I go...

This is my scenario for parties, I have one for going to the store, clothes shopping ("Talk as White as possible so they don't think you're a thief."), concerts, you name it.

It's not just me. This script runs through every person of color. They may have a different take on it, but the plans are very similar.
I wish we could just hang out at a party, go clothes shopping without being watched, not get pulled over for nothing, denied housing due to the neighborhood, etc.
I shop mostly online now and not just because of the pandemic.

So, White America, I couldn't imagine what you are seeing for the first time in your privilege, but as you can see you probably haven't ever had these conversations outside of being nervous on a date, first meeting or potluck. Once you are there, it probably goes a way a little bit. 
For most of us people of color, it's our other "special party guest" all night; our other friend at the store, or in the car in a new part of town. 
We carry this anxiety of exclusion and suspicion like it's a part of our bodies.
It's never not been there.
America has made sure of that.

January 6th showed a side of White America we people of color have always seen, but many of you are seeing for the first time.
It's not pretty is it?
You are facing yourselves now. The mirror has been cast.
Look within. Look at each other.
Imagine being treated, like the Capitol was that day, for 400 years.

Have the conversations with your family.
Have the conversations with us.
I'll be excited to go to a party without my "special party guest" one day soon.
We all will.
Much love and light,
Saja

You can follow me on Twitter @ButlerSaja
Instagram @Afrobanjo
and Facebook

***I started this post when Trump got diagnosed with COVID-19.
I finished it this evening 10/18/20***
​
It's been 6 months since the pandemic in America shut everything down.
As I write this, our President has contracted COVID-19.
He went into the hospital last week after a debate with Joe Biden, knowing he was exposed.
While in the hospital, he decided to go for a ride in a limo to appease his fans, exposing all in the limo to COVID-19.
He then proceeded to go back to the White House yesterday evening and do a press op on the balcony without a mask, CLEARLY having trouble breathing.
All the while, he was tweeting that he "had defeated COVID."
Meanwhile, all White House staff are now exposed.

What was the point of all this?

I genuinely ask as we are going through such breakdown and breakthrough at the same time, it's interesting to see someone play the same OLD GAME.

Does he know the game is OVER?
Do most know?

It must not be so quite yet, as this is exploding more than ever now.

Be mindful to judge at this moment, as most here on Earth still play this game.
So much so, that they are in Fanatic Mode.

Fanatic Mode is when someone is so shocked that anyone can't believe their opinion that they become fanatic about it.
(Be mindful; Fanatic mode knows no title. ANYONE of any race, class, gender, religion, political view can have Fanatic Mode.)
 Fanatic to the point that mansplaining, micro and macro aggressions are the norm. They are not seeing the cause and effect of their fanaticism.
They are right.
You are wrong.
They feel defense in conversation FIRST; fear FIRST; and either run from the issue OR. continue the attack.
Both lead to nowhere, but it sure does keep them distracted.

SO, what's next?

You ever notice how when you blow a bubble, the bubble, right before it bursts, tries to hold on so tight to itself, but to no avail.
It must pop
Its time is done.

Thus, with the fanatic.
Their time is fading on our Earth as most of the us command more from each other.
We desire authentic engagement, authentic conversation, and intimacy.
Hiding behind drama, passive aggressive behavior, mansplaining, womansplaining, and the like are at an end.

How on Earth can you expect authenticity when you are not?

Be real and your attract real.
Be fake and the fake shall continue.
Act rude and rude you are served.
Be your true vulnerable self and oh my, the truth you shall see!

You have based your life and actions and livelihood on Human HABIT, not Human NATURE, so your lives are stressful, uptight, and very boring. 
The very thing that you thought people would be impressed by is now the very thing they are repelled by.
You refused to see you GIFT and it remains UNOPENED.

So...OPEN IT.

And thus, as Robert Frost says. "That has made all the difference."
Breakdown and Breakthrough.

WE can't wait to see you inside.

Free the Mind.

​Saja


​

I'm sitting here at the front desk at The Music District on a Friday. I have sanitized the whole front desk and right before I did 2 of my other colleagues did the same.
Coronavirus, or COVID-19 is spreading throughout the planet.
I just saw that SXSW is canceled due to Austin having concerns.
We are in a dis-eased state friends.
Not more than ever, we need to fill our own cups. 
We're moving about without boundaries, letting everyone and everything in.

Hi All,
     So sorry I have been out of touch for a bit.
I've been going through some major changes and am officially on the other side.
Since I last wrote, I have gone to Nashville to learn more about recording, had some amazing gigs, hung out with my family for the holidays, rang in the New Year with good friends, and peeled back old layers to see a shiny new beautiful me.
I am on the other side and very happy.
Time to shine.
SO MUCH CHANGE right now, yes?
It's a now or never time on our Earth, and so many are having to face themselves for the first time.
(This is another regeneration for me.)
It's uncomfortable, unruly, and resistance is futile.
Need a concrete answer to things?
Sorry, we're in flux.
Need some stability?
Ha! Good luck.
Need things to be better and different?
Well, here's where your wish is coming true.
We've all had enough.
We're all waiting for something to finally break down the old paradigms of fear, game-playing, racism, bias, aggression and the like.
BUT, what if all of those paradigms were reflections of all of our resistance?
What if, by dropping those paradigms in ourselves, the world's view would eventually release them?
We are connected after all...
So many want change but are refusing to change themselves.
Are we that afraid of losing the distractions that keep us comfortably numb?
Are we so afraid of real joy?
Do we believe it's even possible?
Can we reach the point that we can truly have, do, and be whatever we want without pain or fear?
I believe so.
I believe so much so that I'm going to prove it by example.
We're all tired of lectures. We're all tired of being told what's right and not right.
SO, how about we truly lead by example? Fill our own cups to overflowing that we give authentically, love fearlessly, do our work courageously, rock fully?
The shedding of the old is a messy, embarrassing process.
But, it's only temporary.
As Lao-Tzu said, "Only when your sickness appears, does your sickness disappear."
I have been releasing the sickness of toxic people, feelings, and energies lately.
I have flushed them out for good and all has disappeared, inside and out.
All walls are gone.
I am, as OutKast, so beautifully put it. "so fresh and so clean."
I am devoting more time to self-care and my circle is smaller and more powerful.
I am attracting the best in life and performing a top levels.
Come see for yourself at my solo shows or with my band, Lois and the Lantern.
And come say hi and enjoy the vibes.
Fill your cup to overflow, by letting the old go.
It, and you are worth it.
Peace,
​Saja

I'm in the midst of major upheaval in my life.
You, too?!?
Congratulations and I'm terribly sorry.
So much stripping of the old paradigm is happening that my normal chill behavior is rattled, raw, insecure and fearing the unknown.
I should know better, and I do; but i can't help feeling the world view of mass upheaval.
It's a 'do or die' kind or time on our Earth.
Lots of breakdowns, break ups, uncovering, big happenings, and light shining on the darkness.
The Old World is crumbling and we aren't in the New World just yet.
You have to see the mess of destruction and then the clean up first.
Personally, I have been shown the light of my fear of success.
Sure, I believe it's possible, teaching it, and preaching it everyday in lessons, classes, ensembles, to friends and family.
But, have I ever stopped to see my true SELF as a success?
I realized I hadn't truly and was brought to tears.
I was relying on others' viewpoints to guide and nourish my view of my success!
I'm a giver. It comes easy to me.
Well, it did until people kept taking advantage of my kindness and ripped my heart to shreds.
(Insert dramatic country music here.)
I closed up for a long time; angry that people could be so mean to authenticity.
I was hurt and it showed.
Then came an upheaval in my life that blew me back into the present.
I have been playing more music as a solo artist recently and it feels good.
It's been easy for me to hide behind my teaching and performing in bands, as there are buffers of experience and bodies to play with.
Performing solo showed me myself. Where I was and where I should be.
The upheaval of solo performance made me see how much I relied on others to guide my success factor, and how I kind of lost myself.
When you see it in one area of your life, you begin to see it in all areas of your life.
Thus, I am raw, new, and in the unknown.
After all the years of running a business, you'd think I'd be used to upheaval.
Everything is always changing, not much is stable. 
A business is external; my Soul and Journey are within.
So, I go forth new and expectant and with hope.
I see that I matter and that I am supposed to be here to help our Earth heal through the gift of Music.
Never let it be said that an Old Soul can't learn new tricks.
This Old Soul is now brand spanking new.
Old New.
"It is our Light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."-Nelson Mandela

Whew!
Sorry for the delay in posting Saja Speaks.
I have been busy working on songs, touring, collaborating with new music friends and having a personal life. Yes. A personal life. I've realized how much I give away due to having a solid mission here to help heal you and all of us through Music, so I'm giving more to me.
I have realized through great friends that I am worthy to receive. 
I love seeing what I give to others, so why do I feel guilty receiving it?
I'll tell ya..
We are addicted to suffering.
It's not like we want to be.
We've just had the habit since birth to work hard and long, pleasure being a no no, good food and drink having a sinful quality and so forth.
Ridiculous.
People always comment on why I love the finer things in life.
It's because I deserve them.
But even as I see that, I still feel a little guilt if there is not something wrong somewhere.
Again, ridiculous.
We tend to fall into the notion that guilt and suffering are human nature, when they are truly human habit.
We have been at this shit show called fear for so long, that we think it's something inherent; something every human is and does.
Nope.
We are born to thrive.
Look at your body for example. 
When you cut your skin on paper or while chopping something for dinner, you body isn't like "Oh gaaaawd!! I'm dying! I'm leaking! It's getting bigger!"
It's more like "Okay, skin, let's get to repairing NOW!" 
Cells start dividing to seal the wound, scar tissue is birthed, and the blood cells begin to clot.
You body's mission is to thrive.
So, Dear Soul in your body...aren't you supposed too as well?
Just a reminder for both of us.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my thriving self to a jam and play some music.
I'm baaaaack.
See ya soon. 
​Mwah. :)

​All this "Toxic Masculinity" talk is making me realize how much men need to be paid MUCH MORE attention to than less. People tend to want to get angry and hold fast to the old paradigm of men. 
Instead of feeding the dominant male attitude with more anger towards men, perhaps honoring the men in your life that truly are genuine will give the best example to those men who have been taught (yes...they have been TAUGHT), to be TOXIC. 
An Analogy:
Blacks and Indigenous Peoples of America have been enslaved, hung, beaten, raped, dishonored, and discriminated against by the white race historically for hundreds of years in this country. 
I, and the rest of the Black and Native race could simply just surmise that ALL white people from this point on are still that way. 
But all white people aren't, yes? 
The race as a whole is evolving and seeing the need to heal from that past, whether voluntarily or by kharmic example. 
Many whites are now are seeing our global tribe, not just their tribe.
And the evolution of a higher, kinder-minded race is slowly developing.
So, in turn, all men aren't toxic.
SO, let's nourish the amazing men in our lives. 
They, in turn, will be uplifted and will create a domino effect that can simply and hopefully diminish toxic male dominance. Don't believe me? 
Please read the paragraph about white/black and Native relations above again. 
It's very possible. 
Drop your negativity and doubt from past pain and you will see this and oh, so very much more, Beings of Earth.
Much love. ❤️❤️❤️
Shout out to all the amazing men in my life. 
Blessed to have 100% Kings in my life. 
As a Queen, I command it. 
I am a gift to the men in my life and they are a gift to me.
Thus, we are naturally equal in our differences and respect and love comes organically.
Like attracts like, baby.